Tuesday, October 23, 2012
The X List: Top 10 Fun Facts about Lance Armstrong
"People used to care about cycling?" --Every single person from the future
Plano-born Lance Armstrong has dominated the tiny sliver of sports news dedicated to cycling recently, as the multiple-time Tour de France winner was stripped of all his titles due to allegations of doping. While we may never know if Armstrong used performance-enhancing drugs or not, we do know that he is an endless source of Fun Facts! Here are ten confirmed truths about the controversial cycling legend.
Fun Fact #1: Once injected a teammate with EPO for snorin' too loud.
Fun Fact #2: Has shown up in the same Barry Bonds costume to every halloween party since 1996.
Fun Fact #3: Changed his birth name in 1992; was originally 'Lance Armholes.'
Fun Fact #4: Honestly though that HGH stood for "Hataz Gon Hate."
Fun Fact #5: Overcame tremendous odds to convinced kids that drugs and the post office are 'cool.'
Fun Fact #6: Never doped himself, but did admit to pouring ten gallons of virgin's blood on his Tortured Altar of Abominations every morning before breakfast.
Fun Fact #7: In 1998, played an entire game of Axis & Allies without cheating even once.
Fun Fact #8: Is actually totally innocent, believe it or not.
Fun Fact #9: Is only the seventh most-disgraced person in recent Plano history, ranking above Dr. Lucifer von HitlerAIDS but far below that one mom who hands out dental floss on Halloween.
Fun Fact #10: Is an inspiration to anyone who's ever wanted to piss off the entire nation of France.