The X List: 10 stunning revelations of the new Navy SEAL Osama bin Laden book

#11: Paul Ryan shot Osama through the heart with a silver arrow, causing the terrorist to burst into black flames.

The literary world was rocked today with the recent publication of yet-another tell-all non-fiction book about the Osama bin Laden killing. In No Easy Day, author Matt Bissonnette reveals some of the previously-unknown details of the raid, of which he was a prominent participant. Here are 10 bombshells from the no-holds-barred expose.

Shocking photographic evidence shows bin Laden was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Reveal #1: Bin Laden had an Obama "Hope" poster covered in little drawings of hearts labeled "O+O 4VR" and what appeared to be lipstick smears.

Reveal #2: Following the shots, 72 virgins materialized from thin air and carried Osama's body up to Heaven while singing joyous praise.

Reveal #3: In bin Laden's desk were plans detailing the bombing of the Janesville GM plant, with a large red X and the words "BLAST! FOILED BY DUBYA AGAIN!!" scrawled over it.

Reveal #4: Author Bissonnette reluctantly admits that it was he himself who single-handedly killed Osama, by employing the deadly "Toby Keith" attack -- a devastating roundhouse kick to the terrorist's nuts, causing bin Laden's internal organs to implode on impact and his brains to shoot out of his earholes.

Reveal #5: Osama actually escaped out the back door during the raid, resulting in an action-packed chase scene through the crowded streets of Abbottabad in which no animals were harmed.

Reveal #6: Over half of Osama's DVD collection were illegal bootlegs of One Direction concerts.

Reveal #7: Bissonnette did 976 pushups a half-hour before the raid and wasn't even all that tired.

Reveal #8: Bin Laden had an entire USB drive filled with nothing but uncomfortably erotic Photoshops of him and the Hamburglar.

Reveal #9: Osama's workdesk was covered in jumbled piles of handwritten documents attempting to prove that Brainy Smurf was the most underrated of all the smurfs.

Reveals #10: As he lay dying in a pool of his own blood, Osama bin Laden's stunning final words were "I go poopy... in the... potty... like a... big boy."

dregstudios, anonymous:

Well over a year after Bin Laden’s death and over 10 years since 9/11, American citizens are still blindly allowing their civil liberties to be taken away one piece of legislation at a time. How much freedom are we willing to sacrifice to feel safe? Under the guise of fighting terrorism, laws have been put in place as a means to spy on our own citizens and to detain and torture dissidents without trial or a right to council. You can read much more about living in this Orwellian society of fear and see my visual response to these measures on my artist’s blog at http://dregstudiosart.blogspot.com/20...

8 months, 3 weeks ago
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