Tuesday, April 30, 2013
The X List: 10 reasons why the Jets cut Tim Tebow
Jerry Jones will hold a press conference announcing Romo's new replacement in 3...2...1...
The flat Earth was shattered and the heavens torn asunder yesterday, with news that the New York Jets released God's Quarterback Tim Tebow. Tebow languished on the Jets' third string last season, despite the Jets paying a hefty price for him and having a starting QB posting some of the worst stats in recent NFL history. Here are 10 reasons why the Jets hate baby Jesus.
#1: Wouldn't stop pissing down Mark Sanchez' back.
#2: Failed to smote the foul Patriots and their idolatrous infidel god Ba'alichik.
#3: Spent 30 seconds of every huddle apologizing in advance to his teamates for "this turnover which they are about to recieve..."
#4: Alter-ego Bim Bebow's all-night devil worshipping black magic heroin jags were starting to affect team morale.
#5: Kept smashing up the Jets' gift shop while wearing a Matthew 21:12 t-shirt.
#6: Wouldn't stop molesting his tight ends.
#7: Turned out the "Unquenchable Rocket From the Bowels of Sin Hellfire 3000" that he'd been bragging about all summer was not a secret move, but the name of his low-carb diet vegan chili with macaroni.
#8: His awkward throwing motion could best be described as "closely resembling the manner in which the Daughters of Abraham in Genesis 6:4 gave handies to the Nephalim."
#9: Tithed 1/10th of his fortune to Heaven by just heaving every tenth pass as hard as he could straight up in the air.
#10: He sucked.