Thursday, December 5, 2013
12 must-haves for your Dallas arctic front survival kit
Finally, a weekend to start and finish 50 Shades of Grey.
You may not have heard, but North Texas is about to get hit with rain, sleet, ice and/or snow. School activities and civic events have been canceled, and it's almost time for you to hole yourself up at home in your slippers to wait out this wet, white natural disaster.
We want you to be prepared.
1. Fireball Cinnamon Whisky. It does the job quickly, and it tastes good. Warms you from the inside. Inspires you to do "exciting" things. MAKES YOU FEEL ALIVE. At least that's what we hear.
2. Sweaters for the dogs and cats. Try to put yourself aside for a moment and realize that our pets are totally freaked out. They do not want to go outside. Keep the fur babies warm.
3. Onesie jammies: You got a pair a few years ago at a White Elephant party, and you should really get some use out of it. It looks great on you.
4. Deodorant. Seriously, name one snow day when you took a shower. You're going to need a way to stay fresh inside that sweaty onesie.
5. Carrots. It's going to snow so much that you'll be able to make several snowmen in your front yard. Your snowmen need noses.
6. GoPro helmet camera. Strap on your cam and take a walk down the street to catch people slipping on the ice. It'll make for a great GIF later.
7. Sand. We spoke too soon. Before you strap on your helmet video camera, you need sand. Texans cannot walk in the rain, sleet, ice and/or snow. Sprinkle it like fairy dust before your every step.
8. 50 Shades of Grey. You'll be locked in your house for awhile, and, well, you need some literary inspiration. Note: You do know there are three whole books, right?
9. Someone of the opposite sex. So you've read the book, and now it's snowmageddon. If the world comes to an end, you'll have someone to make more people with. (And lots of ideas how to do it.)
10. Easy Cheese. We can't decide which indestructible food reigns supreme: Easy Cheese, Twinkies or Ramen Noodles. Heck, buy 'em all.
11. Cards Against Humanity. We hope you own this fabulous adult version of Apples to Apples. But wait! If you desperately need a game to play and don't have Cards, you can also make your own set for free. Boom.
12. Cellphone camera. When you do finally venture outside and to your car, even if it's only to sit in the driver's seat with the heat on, you're going to need to take a photo of the digital temperature gauge that says it's a frigid 29 degrees. BECAUSE YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS LOVE TO SEE PHOTOS OF THE TEMPERATURE AS MUCH AS THEY LOVE IT WHEN YOU POST IN ALL CAPS.