Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Restaurant review: Half-naked bathroom cowboys are icing on Stampede 66’s delish cake
People who do not love Stephan Pyles obviously have intimacy issues.
DALLAS Stampede 66 has cautiously opened its doors for lunch. The bartender said they have been careful to only seat a certain number of people until things are super smooth. Smooth service is exactly what happened during lunch last week. The guys at the bar are as good as it gets. Let’s face it — eating is much safer while sitting at the bar. I’m wondering why valet is free during dinner, but costs $5 during lunch. This makes lunch people sad.
If you haven’t already heard, Stampede 66 has hopelessly devoted its decor to all that is Texas. Enough about that. Stampede 66 has given all girls a reason to visit the restroom. Standing against the wall is none other than a rated PG-13 sweaty cowboy. This is no ordinary cowboy. Non-sweaty restroom cowboys are rated G. This cowboy works out. Most cowboys are skinny from riding horses all day long. They also burn calories from herding animals out on the range. After a full blown investigation, it has been proven that this cowboy does sit-ups. He probably has a treadmill, too.
Someone probably had to convince Stephan Pyles to place this cowboy in the girl’s restroom. Approving this picture probably made him above-average uncomfortable. It’s not like Stephan Pyles wants to say, “Perfect! Yes, that’s the best half-naked cowboy picture I could have on the wall of my restaurant’s restroom! Faster!” Maybe Stephan Pyles is married. Maybe his wife was in charge of approving all half-naked cowboy pictures. This makes sense. This means Stephan Pyles could focus on perfecting his brand new menu rather than feel weird approving naughty restroom pictures.
Some restaurants don’t even have a mirror in the restroom, let alone an attractive half-naked cowboy. Restaurants want people to hurry up and leave the restroom so they can spend more money on food and drinks. If people find the restroom pleasant, this means they will spend more time there. Unless Stephan Pyles hires a restroom attendant, no one is going to spend money in the restroom at Stampede 66.
The deviled eggs come with some kind of pork placed on top. My request to exclude this pork product was quickly approved. People who do not like spicy food should not order this deviled egg appetizer. It’s the spiciest deviled egg appetizer in the history of spicy deviled egg appetizers. This warning is sincere.
The taco section of the menu is exciting. All tacos are $4 except the crispy sweetbread “faux” gras mousse taco, which is $6. I ordered three tacos — fried oyster, mushroom, and Gulf Coast by-catch. Stampede 66 also serves a beef brisket taco, as well as pork barbacoa.
The shrimp & grits dish is now one of my favorites in Dallas. A perfect ending to a wonderful lunch at Stampede 66 was warm blueberry cobbler topped with vanilla ice cream. Delish!
Everyone loves Stephan Pyles. People who do not love him obviously have intimacy issues. What’s not to love? He cares about girls getting excited in the restroom. He also has a deep need for the history of Texas to be appreciated in an over-the-top way, and his food is always wonderful. Food, service, half-naked restroom cowboys — please & thanks.
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