Thursday, February 7, 2013
Thursday Morning Cupcheck - Better Know a Dallas Star: Jaromir Jagr
Sharp-eyed Stars fans may have noticed a plucky new right winger on the first line this season.
Good morning hockey fans! Last week we took a bold stand on whether the Dallas Stars could make the playoffs and stuck to our guns. This week, rather than focus on the cult classic Alex Goligoski's Day Off, we're going to introduce talent-starved Stars fans to one of our newest (to the Stars, not to the Earth) additions, Jaromir Jagr.
Name: Jaromir Jagr
Born In: Kladno, Czechoslovakia
Is an Infallible Golden God in: Kladno, Czechoslovakia
90s Mullet: 28 inches long, 10 inches wide
Acceptable Nicknames: Jagrmeister, Jags, The Beast From the East, Czech Please, The Defenestrator, the Unstoppable Jagrnaut, The Golem of Prague
Unacceptable Nicknames: Uncle Tom
Defining Moment as a Dallas Star: Putting up four points in his Stars debut.
Nicest Comparison: The Czech Bo Jackson
Meanest Comparison: Hodor
Strengths: Strong on his skates, puck handling ability in tight spaces, timely goals, on-ice vision.
Weaknesses: Was born before electricity was invented.
Better Than Adam Burish in 2013?: Yes
Who Wants Him: Women, Flyers fans
Who Wants to Be Him: Jamie Benn, hopefully
Preferred DnD Character: Half-Orc Rogue/Blackguard
Least Similar Game of Thrones Character: Theon Greyjoy, unless you're a Pens or Flyers fan
Looks Eerily Similar To: Andre the Giant
Looks Eerily Nothing Like: Andre Agassi
Career Goals: To score all the goals. And after that, all the assists.
Worst Fear: A return to Hapsburg rule
Thing He Does Better Than You: Hockey
If He Was a Beer, He'd Be: Velkopopovický Kozel
Alternate Universe Career: Obi-Wan