Girl Scouts try to convince buyers new Mango Creme cookie is healthy

by Britton Peele

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It's Nutrifusion, people!

The Mango Creme Girl Scout cookie: Not buyin' it.

When informed that there was a new Girl Scout Cookie flavor on the market, my response was “If it isn’t called Thin Mint 2, I’m not interested.” I maintain that stance, and I’m even less interested now that I know what the new flavor really is.

The new cookies are “Mango Cremes with Nutrifusion™,” because everybody knows what Nutrifusion is, right? If you don’t (you uncultured swine), it’s essentially the Girl Scouts’ way of trying to trick you into thinking a cookie is somehow healthy, rather than a “sometimes food.” ”No trans fats, hydrogenated oils, or preservatives — just pure island delight!” the website says. “These tangy, refreshing tropical treats are packed with great taste AND vitamins!” Great! I’ll order a dozen boxes and take them to work instead of packing a lunch!

Or, I would, except they sound kind of gross. I don’t really want a mango-flavored creme crammed between vanilla and coconut cookies. Why would you want that, especially with all the other choices being offered? I’d rather just eat real mangos, which would be a step up, considering that real mangos don’t actually appear to be an ingredient in Mango Creme cookies (with Nutrifusion™), which is part of why Gawker accurately calls the new cookies BS. The Huffington Post takes the issue a bit more seriously, calling the idea that such a cookie could be healthy “questionable” (y’think?).

And why call it Mango Creme instead of naming it after an ingredient that’s actually in the creme, like cranberry, pomegranate, or … shitake mushrooms? Heck call them Baking Soda Creme cookies and they sound just as appetizing to me as Mango Creme.

I guess it doesn’t really matter. I’ll probably just end up pretending this new flavor of cookie doesn’t exist at all, which is exactly what I do with all Girl Scout Cookies that aren’t Thin Mints.