Tuesday, January 29, 2013
The X List: 10 changes to expect from J.J. Abrams’ Disney Star Wars
#11: The Sarlaac Pit will be the same, just with Jar Jar's voice.
With the galaxy-shattering news that former Star Trek and Lost director J.J. Abrams will be directing the next Star Wars movie, it's time to assess what, if any, changes will be made. Here are 10 things to expect from Star Wars VII.
#2: Soaring musical numbers with choreography like this
#3: Princess Dartherella
#4: Federation Jedis setting light sabers to "stun"
#5: R2D2 finally learns to understand this emotion that we humans call ... Love
#6: Every scene to be 50% backstory
#7: Turns out the Death Star III's smoke monsters are just gas from a Sith Lord who ate too many bowls of ewok con carne.
#8: Ghost Yoda and Ghost Obi Wan hogging the Holodeck, doing nothing but repeatedly taking turns beating the everliving eternal s**t out of Luke
#9: Pod races filmed in first-person Shakycam
#10: Galactic Senate proceedings to be replaced with two hours of Luke III slicing open Ton-Tons until he finds the one with Spock in it