Tuesday, March 5, 2013
The X List: 10 reasons why Justin Bieber was two hours late to his London concert
At least those who stuck around for "Baby," "Baby Babe," and "Baby Babe Babe" got their money's worth.
As most of you music aficionados already know, The Biebs was two hours late to his show in London last night, causing his mostly teenaged female audience to start crying for reasons unrelated to his rugged masculinity. While the Bieber camp has been silent about the reasons why, we were able to disguise our London correspondent in zubaz and a "Wine 'em, Dine 'em 69 'em" backwards trucker hat and get the 10 real reasons why he was so late.
#1: Was practicing his singing really hard; just lost track of the time.
#2: Refused to go onstage until he could think of a lyric to rhyme with "suckers."
#3: Was this close to finding the real killer behind the Jack the Ripper murders; would have found him, too, if it weren't for 10,000 crazy meddling kids.
#4: Was on hold for two hours with Tiger Beat's customer service department, trying to cancel his subscription after they bumped him down to third in their "Studs of March" issue.
#5: Pre-show cocaine turned out to be Preparation H cut with instant oatmeal.
#6: Groupies backstage were taking, like, forever to turn 16.
#7: Engaged in a pitched battle to the death with his evil lab-created doppelganger, North Korean Justin Bieber, right before showtime.
#8: Enjoys watching his opening acts get viciously booed.
#9: Didn't "feel like" performing; tried to get Tom Waits as a last-minute replacement with no luck.
#10: Knows his "music" sucks; wanted to clear out as many impressionable teenagers as he could before starting.