Thursday, March 7, 2013
Thursday Morning Cupcheck - Better Know an Ex-Dallas Star: Brad Richards
Wait ... Brad who?
Good morning, hockey fans! Last week we threw a bone to the Micheal Ryder Truthers and broke down the Stars' trade for Erik Cole. This week, rather than cower in fear from heartless monarchists, it's time we checked back in on an old flame and see what they're dating. We're speaking, of course, of Brad Richards.
Two summers ago, the Stars let Richards walk to greener pastures in Manhattan because they didn't "exactly" have an "owner" willing to "pay" their "players." Since then, Richards has played for one of the more dominant teams in the Eastern Conference, unless you count playoff success, while watching his production rapidly decline to the worst levels of his career despite having Marian Gaborik and/or Rick Nash on his wing. But who is the real Brad Richards? Here are the crucial facts you need to know about this 10 million dollar second-line center.
Name: Bradley Glenn Richards
Born In: Murray Harbour, Prince Edward Island
Has Been Nominated as the Murray Harbour Herald's Top Local Superhunk for Twelve Straight Years In: Murray Harbour, Prince Edward Island
Height: 6 foot even
Weight: 198 pounds
Size of the Pile of Cash He Sleeps On Every Night: 6 foot even, 198 pounds
Acceptable Nicknames: The Quarterbackanator, The Eye of Sather, Richie Richards, The Ten Million Dollar Man, Brad Li
Unacceptable Nicknames: Brad Dicks
Defining Moment as a Dallas Star: Putting up five assists in his first game as a Star.
Worst Moment as a Star: Giving up a dozen shorthanded goals from the point in 2011.
Nicest Comparison: Adam Oates
Meanest Comparison: Scott Gomez
Strengths: On-ice vision, passing ability, powerplay quarterbacking
Weaknesses: Svelte brunettes
Better Than Cody Eakin in 2013?: No.
Who Wants Him: Bankers, hedge fund managers
Who Wants to Be Him: Every nerd who has ever watched Attack of the Show!
Preferred DnD Character: Lawful good paladin
Least Similar Game of Thrones Character: Khal Drogo
Looks Eerily Similar To: Joel McHale
Looks Eerily Nothing Like: Billy Joel
Career Goals: To win another Stanley Cup before he retires with all the money
Worst Fear: Being traded to the Blue Jackets for picks
Thing He Does Better Than You: Hockey
If He Was a Beer, He'd Be: Captain Lawrence IPA
Alternate Universe Career: First mate on a British Man'o War