Thursday, January 9, 2014
5 truths from 50 Shades! The Musical, now playing in Dallas
There was a surprising amount of men in the audience opening night.
DALLAS About three minutes into 50 Shades! The Musical, the first shirtless man began hip thrusting onstage. The rendezvous continued for 69 minutes, and by the end, well, I was exhausted.
The musical is a ridiculous romp through E L James’ book Fifty Shades of Grey, where an innocent virgin who works at a hardware store is swept away by sexy billionaire Christian Grey. But in the musical, Grey is the Chris Farley of sadomasochists: He’s a pudgy sex addict who picks his belly button lint and, at one point, donned a red wrestling singlet three sizes too small.
This is not what I remembered from the book.
The parodied characters are so bad, they’re good, and the lyrics in each overdone song are laugh-out-loud funny.
You do want to have read the book or at least be familiar with the storyline if you see the musical, which runs now through January 11 at Dallas City Performance Hall. It’s funniest when you realize how very incorrectly they’ve contorted this already-twisted story.
Five things to know:
1. It isn’t porn. Before you start blushing over the subject matter: The musical is full of silly scenes where actors pretend like shimmying and kicking in the air is The Deed. None of the physicality in the play is all that realistic, though the content is very, very adult.
2. If you read the books (or are reading this story), you are probably a woman who wears mom jeans and sports an ‘80s haircut. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The three narrators personified the stereotypical Fifty Shades reader, and she’s a little frumpy and a lot lusty. Maybe a little rusty. If that’s you, own it, and let’s go to No. 3.
3. You are sexy. You are more coordinated and probably better looking than the characters in the 50 Shades! musical. There’s nothing threatening here, and you might leave feeling just a little sassier.
4. You’ll like this Christian Grey better. Straight guys may not be thrilled about watching a musical where some allegedly hot guy woos all the women in the audience with his smoldering good looks. Not here: People of all stripes are bound to like an overweight, unsexy Christian Grey who sings songs laden with words -- hilarious, horrifying words -- I can’t print.
5. You are normal. In a number where main character Anastasia Steele and Grey attempt to explain they’re “just like any other couple,” he ties her hands up and bends her over. Ah, the irony: Housewives the world over are fawning over Grey’s way with women, and the musical points out the obvious: This is (probably) not your life. Thank goodness. I’m tired just watching.
- Neil Young returns to the Meyerson in April
- Mysterious restaurant called Remedy to open on Greenville Avenue
- Theater review: We Will Rock You will blow your mind, and your speakers
- OMG: Adam Lambert and Queen will rock Dallas, together, in July
- Theater review: The [Expletive] with the Hat is masterful and funny, wise and appalling