ampm

• Food:

  3/5

• Vibe:

  2/5

• Service:

  3/5

• Value:

  2/5

• Overall:

  3/5

So it's like Texas day. I figure I should really try to soak in as much Texas as I can while I'm still kicking it in Dallas, so I had four things to do on this day. 1) get a hat 2) acquire some boots 3) buy a gun 4) eat at some weird kinda pretentious sorta restaurant concept thing. Only one of these things would prove to be challenging.

So first the hat. Not too tough as there are several hat joints around. As much as I thought I should just get a straw one with the sides all curled up and go ride the mechanical bull at Gilley's I went with a nice felt black piece. I think it kind of says "Hat" instead of "SPRING BREAAAAKKKK!!!"

At the same time another Japanese girl was blowing up our cell phones texting about some other girl who's in town and where are we going to go tonight and this and that and finally we're like OK let's just go downtown somewhere. God, we know all ready.

Next, boots.

Personally, I think the boots were the worst investment. I mean, you can't skateboard worth crap in them. They're really not that comfortable for anything as far as I can tell. Despite having pink eagles on them I don't think they're very cute. Also, when you're my size wearing a pair of these things isn't going to be the determining factor on who's coming out on top in a bar fight.

So, appropriately dressed, we said "screw you, Lone Star Valet" and parked at a meter. Good thing we made a reservation since there were about 11 people in a place that probably has a capacity for about 400 +/- some other number.

AMPM has some black and white screen prints of some Americans on the wall, slippery floors, a small bar, an Asian bartender, chandeliers, a bunch of disco balls and yeah, it's basically a garage sale of stuff.

We manage to strangle a table from the uncomfortable hostess from the throng of the other 4 people there. It's actually 2 tables that don't really fit well together.

Apparently the nachos are really popular. What to do to make them is slather some refried beans on a chip, then chuck some cilantro, a piece of shrimp and a jalapeno under some colby jack and microwave. VOILA BIATCH!

Soups seem tepid but ingredients available to be eaten. This is also known as "may not be from can."

You may wonder where I have the gun hidden. Well, let me tell you something. You would think that in TEXAS you could just get your hands on anything and I personally was wanting a HK USP45 Tactical hooked up with a Knight's Armament Silencer so I could drop out of the ceiling and eliminate any intruders in to our house with ultimate stealth. WELL, they're called SUPPRESSORS not silencers and are about as quiet as a car back firing AND you can't get them at the local gun shop in west Dallas, so here I am in downtown completely unarmed.

I've never had chicken and waffles before but here I am eating that. It's basically a half chicken mostly de-boned and hammered flat, although inexplicably the wing including the tip is still on it. Then it's fried and served on a waffle - duh - with some slithery syrup slathered under the fowl. It's really good for about three bites then my gut says why why why what did I ever do to you?

I also tried some parmesan truffle fries that tasted like what would happen if you took french fries and put parmesan cheese and a drizzle of truffle infused olive oil over top of them.

Next they were putting up curtains around the kitchen and some other skinny Asian girls were hanging around eating Whataburger take out while some guys set up what appeared to be a rather basic video mash up deal.

This place should just be PM.

DC Anonymous

1 week, 2 days ago
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