Ivy

DC, says:

• Food:

  1/5

• Vibe:

  1/5

• Service:

  1/5

• Value:

  1/5

• Overall:

  1/5

Stage setting: Saturday evening. A group of young men and women in their late twenties and early thirties are looking for after dinner cocktails. They are speaking a mix of English and Japanese. Partly cloudy. Exterior: deserted street corner of Field and Main. Five women lead to enter building. Doorman pulls rope in front of five men.

1: "Excuse me, but we were going to go for drinks."

Doorman:"Are you on the list?"

1:"List? What list? There's noone here."

Doorman: "You need to be on the list."

2:(slightly agitated) "Those girls who just went into the place are our wives and girlfriends."

Doorman: (sarcastically, eyes rolling): "Oh, really, with you"

1:"No, really, we were following in the group with the three asian girls and"

Doorman: (interrupting) "Oh, who isn't?"

3:"Ok, listen, androgeny"

Doorman:(interrupting again)"It's going to be a whole lot easier for a group of girls to get in here instead of you guys."

1:(mildly irritated) "Considering there doesn't really seem to be a mad rush to get in here, (Gestures to empty valet stand) and we are with those girls"

Doorman:"Pretend like it's Vegas and give me your best pitch."(reads through clipboard)

4: (starts dialing on cel phone)

1: "Why are we even having this conversation?"

From stage rear, the five women exit bar.

Woman 1: (to doorman) "What the hell is your problem, eyeliner?"

Doorman: (ignores, continues to leaf through empty sheets on clipboard)

Group of men and women exit right. Doorman remains at empty bar front.

DC, says:

• Food:

  3/5

• Vibe:

  3/5

• Service:

  2/5

• Value:

  2/5

• Overall:

  2/5

I really wish this was improving, but afraid not. Went for dessert with her. Ordered creme brule. They're out. Instead, we're told have a cannoli. I know this maneuver as "gettin' lazy."

The cannoli is passable, and accompanied by a couple of mushy macarroons. One goes for a chocolate martini, which is pretty good if you like alcoholic chocolate milk.

Cognac comes pretty slowly.

The DJ upstairs is playing a little something from Portishead (good) to MJ (not so good) to Mark Morrison (a little strange).

We spend more time waiting for the bill to come than we did actually eating or drinking anything.

Upstairs, the crowd is a little old a little young and every level of debtor in between. The lounge really seems to be struggling for an identity, but I'm somewhat optimistic.

Why does the elevator always smell like an outhouse?

Overall, at this price point, I'd expect more. It's been a while since the last time we've been for dinner, so we'll give it another shot and see if the service picks up.

DC, says:

• Food:

  4/5

• Vibe:

  3/5

• Service:

  2/5

• Value:

  3/5

• Overall:

  4/5

Oh again, how I wish I was raving.

The neighborhood needs one fine dining establishment. We visit. It's cold. No, it's cold inside and outside. The elevator smells like an outhouse.

The spaces are all well laid out from the gallery to the roof. The kitchen staff are hermetically sealed into their glass enclosure.

Foie gras - unexceptional if acceptable. Rack of lamb - cold. Sent back. Better. Drink and wine list in great shap.

Service inexperienced if trying. Managment accommodating and interested in the locals.

Will be back. Have to be back.