WhitneyTM Anonymous

Food: 2/5  Vibe: 3/5  Service: 3/5  Value: 4/5  Overall: 3/5

I tried Spiral too. My guest and I liked the vibe quite a bit. I've lived in Denton and Austin so the eclectic waitstaff was more than familiar to me. And while I'm not vegan or even vegetarian, I do incorporate lots of vegetables and tofu into my diet.

That said, just because something is a good concept does not mean it tastes good. I had the most open of minds trying this place, and ultimately, stuff that should have been warm was cold, and everything was flavored as if spices could trick you into finding something tasty. That potato salad? It's like the potatoes are just there to hold the herbs together. And my entree was the same way. I didn't come for Indian food.

All I'm saying is let these veggies speak for themselves a little. And get those f-ing PETA booklets out of the doorway. Those people are freaks, and we carnivores are already giving it a try by coming out there. The journey of a thousand miles and all that.

1 month, 1 week ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

Clay213 Anonymous

Looks like some things in the universe do work out..

I won't go to Rick's bar because I think he's an ass.. and now he'll stay out of my favorite restaurant!

Perfect!

1 month, 2 weeks ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

DC Anonymous

Food: 1/5  Vibe: 3/5  Service: 1/5  Value: 2/5  Overall: 2/5

I am..........Rick Yost.....and I am dead.

Clearly, something happened to me. I can't be sure what, but it must have been quick. Maybe like a runaway bus on Elm Street or some bum shanked me in the neck, but it's clearly over.

Oh, Satan, you are truly the master of depravity for sending me to this place! Not only do I have little horns that look like they were put on with MS paint, but I have been sentenced to this no-smoking, no-meat, no-booze, no-fun, p-p-p-p-lace for eternity!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!

Well, since I am here, I suppose I'll take a seat and make the best of it. I share a booth with two young ladies, which doesn't seem too bad, except that one of them starts talking about how ants are taking over North America. Damn kids these days with their eye-balls-pods and lace-up sneakers - can't understand a blasted word they're saying.

Like this server guy, who just WON'T SHUT UP!!! I get it, something about how all the drinks are self serve and the sodas are all vegan and go get it and godDAMNIT why can't I just read the menu all ready??!! Oh, yeah, because I'm in Hades.

The menu is retro-kitsch kill me now with cutesy abbreviated names for food like San'ich. I suppose in this lumberjack shirt wearing Earnest and Jullo Gallo Zinfandel drinking eternal damnation I shouldn't expect otherwise. The last page is a lesson in all the grains and legumes and other plants who gave their lives so we can 'eat.'

We order up some hummus which is served with a tortilla and some out of a vegetarian bag chips. It's not too bad overall as far as snacks go. I mean, I am starving. Must have been that long trip over the river Styx.

Since the chips are a little salty, I decide to serve myself a nice root beer. However, my vegan root beer comes out at about 90% foam. Oh, dark lord, you are a sly one. As a matter of fact, I spend about 3 minutes here trying to find a vegan soda that isn't all froth, but no luck.

Our dishes arrive. I have a jerk sanich or whatever it's called with a side of potato salad. The side is a mini scoop of mustard style salad. It's not bad overall. The sammix isn't really aesthetically pleasing in that it kind of looks like road kill, what with the dark color and tire tread mayo on top.

I figure why not and add some nutritional yeast to the smmacich which makes little difference. The texture of the tempeh patty is disturbing. It lays somewhere between viscous liquid and semi-solid gelatin interspersed with tripe. It's made worse with the completely soggy bread. I add some spray on soy aminos and some not hot hot sauce to try and work through my gag reflex.

One of my dining companions is now a balding man wearing a shirt emblazoned with a picture of Charlton Heston in a casket that reads "From My Cold Dead Hands" underneath it.

He is enjoying a curry noodle bowl. I decide to help myself. I mean, if you're in hell, what's a little herpes?

It's actually not too bad. The tofu and noodles are lightly flavored without being greasy. I wouldn't describe it as a hearty meal, but it's ok.

My other dining companion is now a fairy princess enjoying a plate of 'Sketty or some thing because I guess if you make SPAGHETTI out of unicorn tears or whatever you get to make up new, lazier spellings for everything. She claims that it's not bad, describing a slightly acidic tomato sauce accented with fresh pine nuts. Somehow this makes me think of juniper and hence, gin.

Oh, I remember the good old days in the land of the living. Yep, I could cruise that stupid Pegasus message thing while the threads lined up and dive in right at the last minute with some two liner about how I'm so old and how all our freedoms are being killed by a thousand tiny cuts. Ahhhh, yeah, I really ruled, except for that rat bastard Gillilands who always had to be showing me up!

I can almost appreciate that these youngsters are being radical and kool and like, from Seattle in a town that's more concerned about mall parking than a city owned convention center. Still, this just wasn't a very good meal.

Well, whatever, since I'm sentenced to eternity here, I might as well clear up my bill. It's not like anyone checked on us during the meal other than to say go to the front to pay.

Aaaannnddd......you can't. There's one check out and 11 people in line to pay. I guess it's carbon neutral to only have one register in a business here in the afterlife of the damned. It's 22 minutes until it's over.

I guess I'll see if there are any homeless people to kick around here.

Epilogue: Good thing I didn't try that 'S-kill-etti as about two and half hours after dinner the fairy princess started displaying signs of what's commonly known as oh my god my gut is exploding syndrome which is still persisting. Classic staph. I guess here in hell they need more of those "Employees wash hands..." signs.

1 month, 3 weeks ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

Clay213 Anonymous

Food: 5/5  Vibe: 5/5  Service: 3/5  Value: 4/5  Overall: 5/5

The problems with service have been improved since the opening. However-- it can still get very crowded with some waiting at peak times. If you are going to have a problem with waiting, I highly suggest going at a time when it won't be so busy.

Between lunch and dinner for example, or after about 2:30-3 on Sundays!

Get the Seitan wrap!

2 months ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

zwalk Anonymous

Food: 3/5  Vibe: 3/5  Service: 2/5  Value: 4/5  Overall: 3/5

Alright, unlike CC, I'm yet to be a soybean/electric car enlightened human, but my girl is. And she likes the Spiral Diner. I haven't really enjoyed my three visits, except the company of course. Don't even think the protein platter is going to stave off your hunger or even taste good. Forget about getting the potato salad as a side, and stick with the tortilla chips. Because I'm quite fond of my girlfriend, I know my way around wheatgrass shots, tempeh burgers and tvp meatballs. So, for you non-vegans, I would stick with the Ate Layer Burrito or the Spiral Burger. These are decent replacements for "real" food sources.
I don't get the service. Is it suppose to be table service or not? They take your order at the table, and they bring your food to the table (if they remember). But, you have to get your own utensils and napkins and salt & pepper (trust me you'll need the salt). Also, you'll have to pay at the counter, and I don't mind this but don't expect the standard 20% tip for table service. The first time we went, I waited 40 minutes for my chips and salsa, and I had to remind the three employees behind the counter twice to bring it. I was dissappointed with the two tablespoons of salsa that finally arrived. It only took them 20 additional minutes to get the rest of our food out. That was okay, only open for two days. On our 2nd visit, the staff couldn't figure out how to work the hot water machine and my girlfriend couldn't get her tea. We tried the humus and it was pretty good, but I think that Kavala's is better. They also couldn't figure out how to work the computer to get our check. These things are normal for a new restaurant and totally understandable. On our last visit, the waiter taking our order was extremely distracting with all the sh in his face. It doesn't bother my girlfriend, but, as I've already established, I'm less evolved. I ordered the Agave Limeade and it was really good but I didn't get it until halfway through my Spiral Burger.
This place makes my girlfriend happy, so I will return. I hope they clean up the mistakes and the parking situation improves. CC, you called it, Cosmic Cafe needs to reopen. The best veggie burgers in town.

3 months, 4 weeks ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )