Thursday, August 30, 2007

Movie review: Balls of Fury

Time for a change of chopsticks, Master Wong.

By John P. Meyer

Balls of Fury

In the unsanctioned, underground, and unhinged world of extreme ping-pong, the competition is brutal and the stakes are deadly. Down-and-out former professional ping-pong phenom Randy Daytona is sucked into this maelstrom when FBI Agent Rodriguez recruits him for a secret mission. Randy is determined to bounce back and recapture his former glory and to smoke out his father's killer--one of the FBI's Most Wanted, arch-fiend Feng. But, after two decades out of the game, Randy can't turn his life around and avenge his father's murder without a team of his own. He calls upon the spiritual guidance of blind ping-pong sage and restaurateur Wong and the training expertise of Master Wong's wildly sexy niece Maggie, both of whom also have a dark history with Feng. All roads lead to Feng's mysterious jungle compound and the most unique ping-pong tournaments ever staged. There, Randy faces such formidable players as his long-ago Olympics opponent, the still-vicious Karl Wolfschtagg. Can Randy keep his eye on the ball? Will he achieve the redemption he craves while wielding a paddle? Is his backhand strong enough to triumph over rampant wickedness?

Source: Cinema Source

• Showtimes and more on Balls of Fury

I leapt at the chance to view (and review) Balls of Fury for a couple of reasons.

First off, ping pong has always been my sport of choice. Requiring little in the way of physical conditioning (at least, not the way I played it), one could whip the tar out of guys and/or gals adept at all the traditional burly-man sports: football, baseball, tennis, tetherball - O.K., forget that last one. Point is, with a crap-load of practice and a perfectly-timed snap of the wrist, the skinniest kid on the block (i.e., me) could beat up (score-wise) on his neighborhood's most fearsome jocks using - and here's the beauty part - finesse.

It was almost as good as getting the girl. (This would be an example of lying.)

Secondly, I've been thinking a lot about ping pong lately because the wheeler-dealer telephone bill collectors occupying the suite next to ours here in the PegNews World Headquarters office complex have a table right up against our connecting wall that they volley upon almost constantly - probably as a means of celebration when they've browbeaten the last remaining copper-clad cent from the pocket of a long-distance debtor.

My point being, I hear them pinging through the wall and hearken back to those table tennis glory days when I could be counted upon to rack up a quick win against 89% of random opponents - 90%, if you included infants and the infirm.

So, going into the theater I really was hoping to be able to recommend Balls of Fury to my dedicated readers as a way to both direct them towards a quality entertainment experience and give them a taste of the free-wheeling devil-may-care ping pong experience.

Initially, it seemed like a workable idea: the movie is chock full of truly amazing ping pong action, some of which must be CG (unless Maggie Q really can unleash screaming serves using a wooden soup spoon for a paddle), even though it appears to be done for real, as the little white ball abides by all the rules of ping pong volley physics - just jaw-droppingly quickly. And there are moments (plenty of them, actually) of chuckle-worthy humor - it's just that they don't string together with any consistency. Furthermore, in the mold of several recent comedic films, most of the "good stuff" will already be familiar to the viewer thanks to its inclusion in the trailer.

Walken in Dior

Bottom line: for all the tick marks destined to be placed into the "pro" column, there are an equal number of offsetting "cons" to be entered on the opposing side of the balance sheet.

With this in mind, I present henceforth the "go see it/don't go see it" Yin/Yang for Balls of Fury:

YIN: Christopher Walken in opulent oriental drag as the sneering villain, Feng. YANG: Dan Fogler as the hapless leading man, Randy Daytona, who convinces as a burnt-out loser but fails to convince as a burnt-out loser rising phoenix-like to overcome his loserly proclivities.

YIN: Maggie Q's lithe physiognomy in graceful motion (as Maggie Wong, niece of ping pong Sifu Master Wong). YANG: Maggie Q acting as if she's - for no apparent reason - fallen for the attractionless Randy Daytona, even to the point of actually kissing him. Suspension of disbelief only goes so far.

YIN: the set designer's skillful recreation of the exotic atmosphere and tension of the international death match competition portrayed in Enter the Dragon. YANG: The embarrassingly lame, action-interrupting, impromptu karaoke cover by Randy Daytona of Def Leppard's "Rock On."

Maggie Q in one of Walken's hand-me-down outfits

YIN: actor Thomas Lennon (better known as Sgt. Dangle from Reno 911) portrays Randy Daytona's arch-nemesis, German ping pong bad boy Karl Wolfschtagg, with Zoolanderesque style and intensity. YANG: regardless of the role, he can't seem to get away from the genital-hugging shorts. God help us all.

YIN: evil ringmaster Feng maintains a stable of courtesans skilled in all the arcane arts of love for the nightly benefit of his competitors. YANG: the courtesans are all - well, never mind.

YIN: Master Wong's lucky cricket gag, reprised near the end of the movie. YANG: the virtual sound of crickets chirping from the theater audience, occurring periodically at all the wrong times (i.e., immediately following a misfiring gag or unfunny one-liner).

BUT NOT WITH STRANGERS: "Why don't you put on some big boy pants and we'll go for a ride?" - FBI Agent Ernie Rodriguez (George Lopez) to Randy Daytona.

GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT: "Kill them both - we're missing Antiques Roadshow." - Feng to his blowgun-wielding henchperson, Mahogany (Aisha Tyler).

Related stories

• Movie review: Gunnin’ for That #1 Spot (July 11, 2008)
• Movie review: Semi-Pro (Feb. 29, 2008)
• New on DVD: The Simpsons, Blade Runner (The Final Cut) and Balls of Fury (Dec. 17, 2007)

See more stories in:

• Arts > Movies / Film > Mainstream Movies

Comments

Pavel Lishin Verified

Christopher Walken will fill seats in any theatre.

I. Don't. Understand. Why.

1 year, 1 month ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )

Mike Orren Staff

Didn't realize that:

Lennon and his writing partner Robert Ben Garant from Reno 911 were also writer-directors on this one. I'm much more likely to see it now.

And that Austin is a ping pong hotbed:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/02/mag...

1 year, 1 month ago ( Link to this comment | Suggest removal )